I was probably 16 or 17 years old at the time when I wrote a letter to my sister. I had a pretty ordinary teenage. I was focused, independent and quite balanced. My sister was 13–14 years old and was having troubles. She had just entered her teenage years. While cleaning her study table ( we shared a room so I wasn’t snooping really), I came across a note surreptitiously lodged in an inaccessible space. I read the note. It felt like it had something juicy like a list of all her crushes or something silly like that. I was shocked to see that it was a letter to herself where she had written nasty things about herself, about her relationships and had contemplated hurting herself. My teenage brain thought confronting her or telling my parents would probably close her off further. So, I sat down with a pen and paper and wrote 8 pages worth of “gyaan”. Here is an abridged version with most of the names removed.
You are the most BEAUTIFUL girl in the whole wide world, my love. Beauty is what lies beneath your skin. In your heart, you instil the power to attract anyone worthwhile.
Baby, you are in that stage of life where everything seems worthless, useless and meaningless. Life always is, it’s up to you to decide if you want it to be heaven or hell. How you make it worth living and how you give it a meaning.
You may feel like running away to a far off place, where no one knows you, there are no limitations or boundaries to restrain you. Believe me, I sometimes felt the same way. But when you think about it, you have a precious gift called life which you only get to live once. You think that you don’t want to be hurt ever but it is through experiencing all kinds of emotions that will make you a strong girl; in fact a POWERFUL woman.
Do you know that problems like yours are faced by so many and every second person has their own struggles? And some have it even harder. So to tackle your problems here are some tips: (You may feel that without experience I can’t give good advice you on your problems, but what I’m trying to do here is giving you a rough idea. It’s up to you what you choose to implement and how)
ABOUT CONFUSIONS: Look, I’m also confused. Do you know I fall for every guy I talk to? Well, not every (Not anymore at least). What I do is I keep a person in mind and think that if I look at anyone else, I’ll be betraying this “head” guy. Also, other advice keep this guy someone who’s not in your class. Guys can be so distracting. Oh Gawd.
STAY INNOCENT: You’re just a teenager, baba. Chill maro. Stop acting like an adult. Trust me you won’t like their problem. One way to make better decisions is to talk to someone who has been in the same place. Someone who has a broader idea of things. Discussing them with people who are confused themselves will confuse you further. We feel that by acting like an adult you are growing as a person (which might be true), but don’t forget the child inside.
SAVE YOURSELF: Save yourself from people who can hurt you, in fact, don’t give them the right to bully you in any way. Being vulnerable is good but the people who had this advantage should be screened after thorough inspection (spread over like 6 months at least). See relationships in school never last long and that’s a fact for 99.9% people. By investing your emotions (and precious time) into someone so deeply that even the slightest rift can break you — that’s stupidity. I can’t restrict you from having relationships but don’t be too deeply involved. I have seen people doing that. If you have a boyfriend — Be his STRENGTH, his support, his encouragement but don’t let him steal your strength, focus and zeal. Go to college and get involved in anything you want ;)
ABOUT YOUR BF PROBLEMS: Best Friend Paglu, not boyfriend. That’s covered in save yourself. (That irony tho). Someone once said, “ You get back from the world what you give to it.” You can have a good friend if you prove to be a good one to the others.
POPULARITY: You know what matters more than people talking about that you leave a trail behind. A person even if far away, texts you randomly and you have a smile on your face.
ADOPT THE IDC ATTITUDE: The thing that sailed me through my teenage without any long term emotional baggage, was this little trick called IDC. IDC stands for “I don’t care”. Do you think not getting full marks in all the test matter? Hell no! The great Rancho of 3 Idiots said to focus on studying to expand one’s knowledge and you’ll get the answer without any problem. Do not fret over petty things like people bitching about you behind your back, etc. Don’t get into fights, you’re not at war with the world. Think rationally before fuming over worthless things. Try to keep your calm. These things are like hurdles in a race. If you think too much about them, you’ll lose your pace and might lose the race. Have small goals and try to tackle them one at a time. Keep it simple.
THROW THE FUCKING NEGATIVITY OUT OF YOUR LIFE, YOUR MIND AND YOUR LANGUAGE( while you’re at it): see, negative thinking is harmful to health. Stop torturing yourself with your own thoughts; most people are so involved in their own struggles that they don’t care about you. Research says that a person is his cruellest critic. Stop finding faults in your life and you will notice that your life is better than many other lives. When you find faults, you look so deeply in details, that you miss the bigger picture. Don’t do this to yourself.
EXPECT LESS: Lord Krishna said that the reason we get hurt by other people’s actions is that we expect more than we should. When they don’t meet these expectations, sadness envelopes your mind. Minimize your expectations. A constant complain that teenagers have is how a certain someone has changed. The easy solution is to stop expecting people to stay the same. Change is inevitable. You change too. A lot of times, you’re so engrossed in observing others that you tend to forget yourself. It is through observing yourself and your triggers, that you gain the power to reduce their impact on you.
DON’T OVERTHINK: Stop over analyzing stuff.
